The power of living in the dhāma • Being embarrassed about receiving worship • Real pratiṣṭhā is being a devoted disciple
śrī śrī guru-gaurāṅgau jayataḥ
Śrī Keśava Gosvāmī Gauḍīya Maṭha
Shaktigarh, P.O. Siliguri (Darjeeling)
13/12/1979
Snehāspadāsu,
Mā Umā! “Bhramibo dvādaśa vane, rasa-keli je je sthāne, premāveśe gaḓāgaḓi diyā; śudhāibo jane jane, vraja-vāsi-gaṇa sthāne, nivedibo caraṇe dhariyā[1] – I will roam the twelve forests, and wherever the Lord’s loving pastimes took place, I will roll in the dust in the rapture of divine love. I will enquire from all the Vrajavāsīs [about the pastimes that took place there] and supplicate myself before them, clutching their feet.”
Though the exalted, eternally perfected souls want for nothing, they pray in this manner so that conditioned souls may be liberated from bondage. The importance and influence of time, place, and subject must surely be taken into account. Although one cannot appreciate the pure transcendence of the Lord’s pastimes in the preliminary stages, one who is of pure heart will obtain a glimpse of the divine śrī dhāma’s true form. The speciality of the dhāma is that it establishes even those who are unworthy in their respective spiritual qualifications. As one understands the forests of Gauḍa and Vraja to be identical, one gains the eligibility to live within śrī dhāma and comes to realize its transcendence and its true form. The pinnacle of all achievement is to attain service to the youthful couple of Vraja, Śrī Śrī Rādhā-Govinda, under the guidance of Their beloved maidservants. …
Prior to last year’s Dola festival, I reviewed and submitted several proofs of Śrī Caitanya-pañjikā. None of the proofs for the month of Agrahāyaṇa [December–January] and onwards were shown to me. Suddenly, one day, Śrīpāda Nārāyaṇa Mahārāja said, “Your appearance day has been included in the calendar this time.” I could not be very pleased to hear this and come to know of it because, personally, during my guru-vargas’ presence and [also] in their absence, I never, in my heart, craved profit, adoration, or prestige. Many people think it seems like I have requested and made this arrangement. But I am completely opposed to mentioning my date of birth like this. “Āmi to vaiṣṇava, ei buddhi haile, amānī nā ha’bo āmi; pratiṣṭhāśā āsi’, hṛdaya dūṣibe, haibo niraya-gāmī – If I think ‘I am a Vaiṣṇava’, I will never become free from the desire for respect. The desire for prestige will come and soil my heart and I will be set on the path to hell. “Nija śreṣṭha jāni’, ucchiṣṭādi-dāne, ha’be abhimāna bhāra, tāi śiṣya tava thākiyā sarvadā, nā laibo pūjā kāra[2] – If I think myself superior and allow others to take my remnants, I will become weighted down by arrogance. Therefore, I seek to remain your disciple forever and not accept worship from anyone.” This pratiṣṭhā [or being established in the position of being a devoted disciple] is, by Śrī Guru-pādapadma’s causeless mercy, what I maintain the honest courage to safeguard.
Though you all feel reverence for me in a variety of ways, personally, I feel embarrassed by it. I will not be able to make you understand this. However, surely it is necessary that I too have a sort of independence in my own thoughts. May Śrī Bhagavān bless you with auspiciousness. May He grant you all enthusiasm in bhajana and faith in bhakti. Your forbearance and tolerance will surely situate you at the height of honour. Routine study of Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Jaiva-dharma, Śrī Harināma-cintāmaṇi and other such holy literatures is essential. Do not forget to always take advantage of the opportunity to hear hari-kathā. Perform pūjārcana (deity worship) according to your capacity. It is best to chant a lakh of śrī nāma. I know that you are very committed in this regard. But do keep in mind one thing: it is also necessary to get adequate rest. If you do not, your sādhana-bhajana will be crippled by poor health. … Iti—
Your eternal well-wisher,
Śrī Bhaktivedānta Vāmana
[1] Prārthanā, Hari Hari! Āra Kabe Pālaṭibe Daśā (4) by Śrīla Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura
[2] Kalyāṇa-kalpataru, Kṛpā Karo Vaiṣṇava Ṭhākura (2, 4) by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
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