A Vaiṣṇava’s affection is constant • Whatever we experience is the result of our own doing • What it means to truly seek forgiveness • The real purpose of education
śrī śrī guru-gaurāṅgau jayataḥ
Śrī Urukrama Dāsādhikārī
Chandni Para, P.O. Suri (Birbhum)
22/10/1970
Sādara-sambhāṣaṇa-pūrvikeyam—
By the causeless mercy of my most venerable śrīla guru-pādapadma and Śrī Śrī Gaurasundara, in one sense I am well. You have inquired about my well-being. I could not decide what to write in response. Since I could not ascertain whether it is my physical, mental, or spiritual well-being you want to know about, I have informed you only about my physical well-being. A soul bound by illusion cannot maintain even physical and mental health, what to speak of spiritual health. Liberated souls maintain the perfect well-being of their souls at all times, and therefore, their physical and mental well-being is automatic. The most important question for every embodied living entity pertains to the well-being of their soul; everything else apart from this is counted as secondary.
You have sought forgiveness for an offence. In my opinion, you have made neither an offence nor a mistake. And I am not displeased with you. Still, some unseen hand is interfering with my loving watchful eye over you. I do not hold you responsible for this, and I have always kept myself free from such liability. The question of forgiving you does not even arise, because I do not take you to be at fault in any way. The affection I have always had for you – that mood – is still intact, but you are unable to understand this. The supramundane affection of Vaiṣṇavas is never artificial; it is a truth that endures across all threefold time. At the moment, you seem to be really forcing your imagination to try to ascertain the medium of that affection. I know very well, however, that in all my life I have never consciously thought to harm anyone, so if people still have misunderstandings [about me], I will neither be held responsible by guru and Bhagavān nor will I have to answer to them. I do not doubt anyone’s integrity, but I also wish to see that no one misunderstands me. What I am saying is that I am forever exempt from this condition, this deep crack you are trying to explore in the nest of my affection for you. For me, this [my affection] is “yathā pūrvaṁ, tathā param – as it was, so it will be.”
Why was your mind so disturbed about having gone to —— Prabhu’s house? I never said anything that could disturb your mind so. I only said: “If I have time, after my work is done, I will try to go. I am not angry at you in any way. Your father is the one who barred me from going by forbidding —— and —— from going; I do not see any fault of mine in this.”
I was especially delighted to receive your letter. I was even more overjoyed to see that you “could not live without writing a letter”. The affection I have always had for you will stay the same for all time. Though I am far away, my loving gaze will never be lacking. Even if you talk critically of me with your companions, the indwelling Lord within all beings will never be satisfied to keep me at a distance from you. I could see your state of mind reflected in your letter. With the expression of your heart’s natural simplicity, you have given yourself to me. You are very intelligent, and I see you know very well how to attract affection.
Saying that the birth of a daughter is the birth of sin is not true. You wrote: “A mother and father suffer such detriment for the sake of a daughter!” I say, “The daughter tolerates so much misery for the sake of her parents!” You are not the reason your parents have misgivings about me. They have created those misgivings on their own. Perhaps they will understand this someday. You have written that if not for you, there would not have been all these troubles. This is not logical. No one can answer for anyone else. Whatever human beings experience in this world is a result of their own individual actions. To facilitate the experience of these karmic reactions, Śrī Bhagavān has created me to hear people’s criticism; meanwhile, He has also sent others into this world to do the criticizing. Souls in this world are always seen in either of these positions. Some follow the example of the tridaṇḍi-bhikṣu mendicant, “remaining equanimous and fixed on the Supersoul – etāṁ samāsthāya parātma-niṣthāṁ[1]” [because] “man reaps the fruit of his actions – sva-karma-phala-bhuk pumān[2]”, and they tolerate everything. Others resort to thinking “I am God, I am the enjoyer; I am perfect, powerful, and happy – īśvaro ’haṁ ahaṁ bhogī siddho ’haṁ balavān sukhī[3]” and become arrogant and deluded. This world is a school for human beings whose consciousness has not awakened. Only if they can learn their lessons while dwelling here can they gain auspiciousness. Otherwise, misfortune will fall on their shoulders.
Instead of saying someone else has made a mistake, it is much easier to simply accept “It is I who have made a mistake.” This way, in most cases, we see less of a likelihood of getting embroiled in arguments and quarrels with others. The practitioner kaniṣṭha-adhikārī (neophyte devotee) can never benefit by judging guru and Vaiṣṇavas to be at fault and make them stand trial as the accused. If one does so, one has no other destiny but to fall from the practice of bhajana and thus welcome the most heinous condition.
Sādhakas and sādhikās endeavour to accomplish excellence in hari-bhajana by ceasing all offences to śrī nāma, the dhāma, and Vaiṣṇavas. Merely uttering the word “forgiveness” does not amount to truly seeking pardon. If inner repentance and regret do not appear, the living entity’s soul does not become purified. The fire of remorse can incinerate all mistakes and transgressions within a moment and free the sādhaka of all sins and offences. This is called begging for forgiveness. The fidgety antics of sahajiyās cannot be called humility or begging for forgiveness. If such an inclination truly comes, the heart melts, the mind becomes overwhelmed, and a frenzy is created in the heart. It has very specific signs, which have been extensively described in scripture. Mechanical habits cannot be called śraddhā-bhakti (faithful devotion), nor is bhakti emotional. It is the instinctive compulsion of the soul.
In responding to your letter, I wrote about a number of irrelevant things, as implied by the proverb “dhāna bhānte śiver gīta gāhilām – I sang a song to Śiva to husk the rice.”[4] I am replying to your first letter, so perhaps all the emotions of my heart are finding their way into my words. Despite its manner, maybe you will find a rhyme in it. I will not be surprised if you cannot understand it, if you mistake my remarks for poorly conceived ramblings, because the discernment of good and bad is inseparable from the human psyche.
—— is very deceptive, but even if she avoids you, you cannot escape her. She has said that she will concede to becoming my disciple when she is old. That way she will not be deprived of affection in any way. That is what this logic and scheming of hers are for! For now, she has spicy snack mix with fried peanuts; in her middle age, she has deep-fried sweet pastries and dumplings; and for her old age, she has made the best arrangements for eating: condensed milk and sweetened cream.[5] If, as I am sitting and eating, I bite my cheek suddenly, then naturally I think someone dear to me is thinking of me. But I can never figure out if it is —— or ——. You are all sitting there with sullen faces, like your cow just died, and I cannot understand when I will be able to draw laughter from your faces. Upon assuming the responsibility Bhagavān has placed upon me, I have called out to Him for help: “Please save me, O Madhusūdana!” I cannot determine when Śrī Bhagavān will give me the chance to be reunited with you. What I do know is nothing happens by my will. “Kṛṣṇa icchā binā tāhe phala nāhi dhare – without Kṛṣṇa’s will, one’s efforts will not bear fruit.”
I am delighted to know that you have successfully passed your midterms. Next, as soon as you pass your degree exam successfully, there will be even more cause for delight. But maintain focus: “Do not let your upādhi (degree) become a vyādhi (disease).” This is the Vaiṣṇava resolve. Unless the soul relinquishes its material designation (upādhi), its natural ego as the servant of Kṛṣṇa does not arise. “Jīva kṛṣṇa-dāsa, e viśvāsa, karle to’ āra duḥkha nāi[6] – once the soul believes himself to be the servant of Kṛṣṇa, he experiences no further misery.” It follows that one must honour one’s spiritual designation or vaiṣṇavī-pratiṣṭhā (Vaiṣṇava status). Worldly status is the glamour wrought by illusion, whereas Vaiṣṇava status entails the soul’s welfare. The success of being able to read and write is in attaining bhakti, otherwise, it is just fruitless toil.
“Paḓe kena loka?—kṛṣṇa-bhakti jānibāre, se jadi nahilo tabe vidyāya ki kare?[7] – Why should people read? To know devotion to Kṛṣṇa. Without that, what use is there for knowledge?” “Vidyā-bhāgavatāvadhiḥ – knowledge finds it ultimate expression in Bhāgavatam.” “Sā vidyā tan-matir-yayā[8] – knowledge is that which increases one’s absorption in Him.”
Only if one has a sense of attachment to Śrī Bhagavān is there significance and fulfilment in reading and writing. Nowhere is there a better perspective than that given by Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam. That is why one must become thoroughly established in the conceptions of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, the king of devotional literature, the essence of all Vedānta, and the natural commentary on the gāyatrī-mantra. This is the object of ultimate aspiration for the sādhaka or sādhikā. May you become bhakti-matī (imbued with devotion). May you be exemplary wives. These are my affectionate blessings and wishes. May Śrī Bhagavān bring you auspiciousness.
Only if your father’s and mother’s views change will it be possible for you to communicate everything. This is not really in my hands. Now that you have received and read my letter, surely your doubts have been dispelled. I may go to Sundarban sometime in the middle of Pauṣa (January–February). I hope everyone at home is well. Iti—
Forever your well-wisher,
Śrī Bhaktivedānta Vāmana
[1] Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (11.23.57)
[2] Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta (Antya-līlā 2.163)
[3] Bhagavad-gītā (16.14)
[4] Singing hymns to Lord Śiva is rather irrelevant when it comes to husking rice.
[5] Śrīla Mahārāja seems to be comparing different food types to different materialistic preferences in different stages of life.
[6] Gītāvalī, Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa Bol Bol Bolo Re Sabāi (2) by Śrīla Bhaktvinoda Ṭhākura
[7] Śrī Caitanya-bhāgavata (Ādi-khaṇḍa 12.251)
[8] Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (4.29.49)
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