Ārti Nivedana*
“Anguished Entreaty”
paramārādhya deva!
Most worshipful lord!
koto dīrgha dina dhari, tava caraṇa darśana lāgi,
For how many long days, to have darśana of your feet
mane mane karechinu āśā |
I have hoped in my heart of hearts
saba āśā nā purila, manoratha viphala haila,
All my hopes were not fulfilled, my wishes proven fruitless
āśābhaṅge duḥkhita e adhamā || (1)
This wretch is saddened at the dashing of her hopes
bujhiyāchi bhāla mate, vinā bhāgye nāhi mile,
I have understood well that without fortune one does not attain
śrī gurura caraṇa darśana |
Darśana of śrī guru’s feet
mama manda-bhāgya lāgi, saṅgopane sadā kāñdi,
Owing to my poor fortune, I cry constantly in private
dhik dhik mora e’ jīvana || (2)
Fie, fie on this life of mine
āmi to’ adhama ati, tāye ati manda-mati,
I am extremely wretched, my intelligence extremely dull
kṛpā nā haila mama prati |
Mercy has not come to me
prabhu! tumi to’ karuṇā-sindhu, adhama janāra bandhu,
Master! You are an ocean of compassion, friend of the wretched
upekṣile ki ha’be mora gati ?? (3)
If you neglect me, what will be my destiny??
yadi-o aparādhī āmi, tumi to’ ekamātra gati,
Even though I am an offender, you are my sole refuge
dayā karo, nā karaha vañcana |
Have mercy, do not deceive
tumi vāñchā-kalpataru, mora icchā pūrṇa karu,
You are a wish-fulfilling tree; fulfill my wishes
diyā tava abhaya caraṇa || (4)
Giving me your fearless feet
—Śrīmatī Umārāṇī
Chunchura (Hooghly)
*Herein the author has conveyed her anguish for not having had darśana of her śrī guru-pādapadma, Parama-pūjyapāda Parivrājakācārya Tridaṇḍi-svāmī Śrī Śrīmad Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Mahārāja.
notes and original text
As readers can see from the original Bengali text below, this short poem was published with the footnote above, probably at Umā Dīdī's request. The following excerpt from Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja's letters sheds some light on the manner of exchanges Umā Dīdī was having via letters and Patrikā poems with her gurudeva:
śrī śrī guru-gaurāṅgau jayataḥ
Śrī Devānanda Gauḍīya Maṭha
Tegharipara, Navadvīpa (Nadia)
21/9/1970
Snehāspadāsu—
Mā Umā! A special memorial issue of the Patrikā entitled Śrī Ācārya-viraha-saṅkhyā is being published and will include an account of our worshipful Śrīla Guru-pādapadma’s extraordinary life, as well as essays, poetry, and eulogies contributed by various writers. It will be coming out this upcoming 28th of Aśvina, on the occasion of his holy disappearance day. I will stay here for a month for this work. You too will be sent a copy of the issue. Are you on the Śrī Gauḍīya Patrikā subscription list?
If it is possible for you, you should quickly write a very nice poem or a small essay and send it. As time is very short, only if your submission reaches the Patrikā office soon will it get a spot in this special edition. The article you submitted earlier for editing was sent to me by post while I was preaching in Assam. I am sad to inform you that, due to a mix-up at the post office, it did not make it into my hands. If you have a draft rough copy of it, try to write it again and send it.
