"The Sweetness of Devotion"
"This time, by great fortune, we have attained human birth. Supremely merciful Bhagavān has seen our suffering and given us this one happy chance. Therefore, this time, with our mind not in any other direction, we must give all our mind and soul to bhagavat-anuśīlana. No other kathā except for Bhagavān’s guṇa-kīrtana, no other activity except for Bhagavān’s service—striving to please Bhagavān in every way, offering Him what is His, like worshipping the Ganges with Ganges water, we will have to offer our souls unto Him."
—Śrīmatī Umā Dīdī, writing in 1971
Bhakti Mādhurī Śrīyuktā Umā Dīdī
An Exemplary Life of Service and Bhajana
Birth and Early Life
In Śrīmad Bhagavad-gītā (6.41), Śrī Kṛṣṇa explains, “śucīnām śrīmatāṁ gehe …” – My devotees are born in pure and affluent homes as they continue with their progress, from one lifetime to the next.” As a result of her spiritual development in previous lifetimes, Śrīmatī Umā Dīdī was born to a pious and wealthy family on 26 January 1933, (the śuklā-pakṣa pratipadā-tithi of māgha-māsa, or the day after Maunī Amāvasyā) in India’s West Bengal, in the town of Chunchura, a place blessed by the footsteps of Śrīman Mahāprabhu Himself. Her birth on this particular day seems to have foretold that she would spend her life following in the footsteps of Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja, who is non-different from her dīkṣā guru-pādapadma.
Her given name was Tṛpti, and her family nickname was Umārāṇī. She was the youngest of six brothers and two sisters. Her mother, Śrīmatī Sarayū Bālā Dāsī, was an exalted Vaiṣṇavī who was initiated by Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja. Śrīmatī Sarayū had a profound impact on her two daughters and guided them successfully to the path of pure bhakti. Umā Dīdī’s elder sister, Gārgī Dīdī (Suśīlā Bālā), was a devout Vaiṣṇavī and disciple of Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja. Śrīmatī Sarayū Devī rendered profuse service to the temples and mission of her gurudeva, and some of her writings, a poem and a puṣpāñjali essay dedicated to him, were featured in issues of Śrī Gauḍīya Patrikā.
Umā Dīdī’s father, Rāya-sāheb Munīndra-nātha Sādhu, was a Śākta (a worshipper of Durgā Devī). He worked as an engineer in the Public Works Department, where his expertise and popularity earned him the title ‘Rāya Saheb,’ the third highest honorific title awarded Indian citizens of the British Raj. That title was only awarded to individuals who made significant, life-changing contributions to their communities. Munīndra-nātha Sādhu earned special distinction as an honorary magistrate of the Hooghly criminal court, was the chairman of the Hooghly District Hindu Mahāsabhā, and is best remembered for his tireless efforts to promote women’s education, which culminated in the founding of a girls’ high school, the Bālikā Vāṇī Mandira, which Umā Dīdī later attended. Though he himself was a Śākta, he played an important role in the establishment of Gauḍīya Vedānta Samiti’s first maṭha in Chunchura, the Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha, which was surely a gesture of loving regard for his pious Vaiṣṇavī wife.
Having Paramagurudeva’s Darśana
Paramagurudeva Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja initially came to Chunchura in 1941 with a retinue of sannyāsīs and brahmacārīs and began preaching extensively throughout the town, holding hari-kathā and kīrtana programs at the homes of distinguished community members. One of these programs, a three-day discourse on Śrīmad Bhagavad-gītā, was held at the home of Śrī Munīndra-nātha Sādhu. Umā Dīdī’s father, uncles, and other influential people in Chunchura were so impressed with Paramagurudeva’s preaching and stalwart character that they eventually approached him with a proposal to take over the worship of the Śrī Gaura-Nitāi deities situated in the dilapidated Śrīvāsa Mahāprabhūra Bāḍī temple, a short distance from Śrī Munīndra-nātha Sādhu’s home. These ancient and beautiful deities had once been worshiped by Śrīvāsa Paṇḍita and later cared for by Śrī Uddhāraṇa Datta Ṭhākura. Paramagurudeva accepted their request and in April 1943, he organised a huge nagara-saṅkīrtana parade comprising many brahmacārīs and sannyāsīs. In this way, the devotees made a most auspicious entrance into the old temple and restored the service of the deities to the highest Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇava standards.
Śrīvāsa Ṭhākura's Śrī Nitai and Śrī Gaura in Chunchura
Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha
This temple was renamed Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha and served as Śrī Gauḍīya Vedānta Samiti’s first proper temple, after the rented property in Kolkata where the Samiti was initially founded. That same year, in 1943, Paramagurudeva held the month-long Ūrjā-vrata, or Śrī Dāmodara-vrata, in Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha. In this way, Umā Dīdī’s darśanas of Paramagurudeva began when she was ten years old, as her family established a lifelong connection with him and his disciples.
Marriage and Disillusionment with Material Life
In 1946, at the tender age of thirteen, as per the Bengali custom of the time, Umā Dīdī married into a pious family. Her father-in-law, Śrī Kiśorīmohana De, was a follower of one of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa’s sixteen direct disciples. When some conflict arose with his brothers, Śrī Kiśorīmohana De left Kṛṣṇanagara with his family, on the advice of his guru, and moved to Prayāga-rāja, where he started a new life. He opened a sweet shop there named Lucky Sweet Mart, which became well-known.
Within two years of Umā Dīdī’s marriage, that is, when she was fifteen, she tragically lost her husband to smallpox. It seems fate did not have a life of worldly happiness in store for her and thus presented her a cruel and sudden awakening to the fleeting nature of material life.
After this tragedy, Umā Dīdī’s father, Śrī Munīndra-nātha Sādhu, with the permission of her father-in-law, had her brought back to Chunchura so she could finish her education at Chunchura’s first girls’ school, the Bālikā Vāṇī Mandira. She was also admitted to Hooghly Mohsin College (for extracurricular activities), which was close to her father’s home.
After finishing school, she returned to Prayāga-rāja for some time at her father-in-law’s request, as she was her in-laws’ eldest daughter-in-law and very much loved by the family. Her in-laws’ home was frequently visited by sannyāsīs of the Ramakrishna Mission, and by the influence of their association, Dīdī began cementing the realization that spiritual pursuit was the one true purpose of life and that material pursuits ultimately served up only sorrow, suffering, and delusion. When Umā Dīdī again returned to Chunchura, she began to visit Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha from time to time, and on several occasions had darśana of Paramagurudeva Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja. Paramagurudeva showed her great affection and would instruct her to chant harināma. He even gifted her a copy of Jaiva-dharma at one point. But Umā Dīdī did not have so much faith in Vaiṣṇavas at the time, as she was influenced by certain popular ideologies and had other pressing interests like her studies, fashion and the music of the day.
From left to right: Gārgī, Sarayū, and Umā Dīdīs
The Impact of Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja’s Association
Because of the impressions gleaned from her family, Umā Dīdī was naturally religious, and as she was the youngest in the family, everyone showered her with profuse love. She lived mainly in Chunchura. Only her mother and her sister, Gārgī, were Vaiṣṇavīs. Gārgī and her mother would go to the maṭha every day to hear hari-kathā, and at home, her mother served Gopālajī devoutly.
Sarayū Devī was very keen that her youngest daughter should also enter the practice of bhakti and prayed to all the Vaiṣṇavas to bless her to become a devotee. Every year she would take Dīdī to Śrī Navadvīpa and Śrī Vraja-maṇḍala Parikramā. After Dīdī had returned to Chunchura, her mother would send her to the maṭha on the pretext of delivering fruits, vegetables, etc., with the hope that Dīdī would get some sādhu-saṅga.
Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja was living in Chunchura then and was very kind to Dīdī. He would set aside time to speak hari-kathā to her. He repeatedly emphasized that after roaming aimlessly through so many species striving for temporary sense enjoyment, we have now attained this rare human form of life, so why not give it to the service of Hari, Guru and Vaiṣṇavas? Dīdī was a patient listener, but she refused to wear tilaka or observe other Vaiṣṇava practices.
By the influence of Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja’s kathā, Dīdī’s mood gradually began to change. She began to develop an understanding of true dharma and the siddhānta of pure bhakti. For a while she was still somewhat inclined to the tenets of the Ramakrishna Mission, such as “serving other living entities constitutes service to God”. But Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja gradually refuted these conceptions with his kathā and firm logic. Ultimately, these talks brought her to the feet of śrī guru.
Umā Dīdī with Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja
In 1968, some time prior to his disappearance, Paramagurudeva Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja came to Chunchura. Umā Dīdī approached Paramagurudeva one day and gave him a ten rupee note, suggesting it could go towards the upcoming Śrīdhāma Navadvīpa parikramā. Ten rupees was not a small sum at the time, worth close to a thousand rupees today, so Paramagurudeva asked Dīdī where she had gotten so much money from. Umā Dīdī simply replied that she had saved up from here and there. Noticing that Umā Dīdī was not wearing any kaṇṭhī-mālā (tulasī neckbeads), Paramagurudeva affectionately gave her some and said, “I will give you harināma at Gaura Pūrṇimā.” That very year, however, on the first day of Kārtika, Paramagurudeva enacted his disappearance pastime. Umā Dīdī initially experienced some inner torment over this twist of fate, but in 1970, after a long thirty-seven years of various trials and tribulations, on the sacred day of Śrī Rāma-navamī, she obtained harināma and dīkṣā from Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja, who was the direct personification of Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja and his appointed successor. Umā Dīdī’s mother, sister and father were very pleased with this development. Umā Dīdī recalls this incident:
In 1970, a few years after Paramagurudeva had disappeared, on the day of Gaura Pūrṇimā, in a darśana, I casually asked Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja, “Are you giving initiation?” She had no intention of asking initiation for herself; she was just asking out of curiosity, as now he had taken up that service on behalf of his gurudeva to help the devotees. In April, Śrīla Mahārāja had plans to come to Chunchura to observe Rāma-navamī and he sent a message to Dīdī’s elder sister, Gargī: “Tell Umā that I am coming and I will give her harināma and dīkṣā. You put tilaka and have her ready when I come to the maṭha.” When this news came from my sister, I felt like a goat being pulled to the sacrificial arena to be slaughtered, as very soon my material life would be finished. I remember that when I received the kaṇṭhī-mālā, I thought I would wear only one long strand of neckbeads around my neck so that others would not be able to see it.
After initiation, I was sitting on the steps in the maṭha, chanting on my beads. Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja came down and saw me decorated with fresh tilaka on my forehead. He said: “Oh, Umā, you look very beautiful with tilaka!” Hearing this compliment as a young woman, I thought: “If Mahārāja says that tilaka makes me look so beautiful then I will wear it every day.” From then onwards, she began to wear tilaka every day.
In those days, to maintain proper social etiquette and the reputation of the maṭha, women were generally not allowed to render service in the temple, and they were strictly prohibited from entering the temple kitchen. Even when out on preaching excursions, the brahmacārīs did all the cooking and cleaning wherever they were, instead of accepting service from their hosts. After Umā Dīdī received dīkṣā, however, Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja encouraged her to cut vegetables, grind spices, etc. The rules actually changed for Umā Dīdī and she easily obtained services in the maṭha. Since Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja was an expert in every service, he taught Umā Dīdī many things. Under his direction, she even began making garlands and crowns for the deities. In this way, she became a regular maṭha attendant, hearing more and more hari-kathā each day and stepping deeper into the philosophy and practice of bhakti. Her mother and sister were delighted.
Relationship with Her Dīkṣā Guru-pādapadma
When Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja started his preaching in Chunchura in 1941, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja would frequent Chunchura. Later, after Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha was established, Śrī Gauḍīya Vedānta Samiti’s printing press, Gouranga Printing Works, was shifted from Kolkata to Chunchura. From then onwards, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja spent a lot of time in Chunchura, printing Śrī Gauḍīya Patrikā and other books. In this way, he became well acquainted with Umā Dīdī’s family.
After receiving harināma and dīkṣā, Umā Dīdī would ask her guru-pādapadma many questions, in person and via letters. Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja would affectionately address her as “Mā Umā.” He wrote her nearly forty long letters wherein he presented in simple, accessible language, not only the essential teachings of Gauḍīya siddhānta, which he had gleaned from his own fully surrendered life of service to Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas, but many subtle elements in the path of bhajana. The contents of these letters are therefore especially instructive for sincere sādhakas wishing to progress on the path of spiritual life. Umā Dīdī saved and preserved those letters for many years, and after Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s disappearance, they were gradually published in Bengali and Hindi. On her urging, in 2021, on the occasion of Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s centennial, they were published in English as well, in a volume entitled A True Servant, A True Master. By preserving these letters and facilitating their publication, Umā Dīdī has rendered an invaluable service to the bhakti-sādhakas of present and future throughout the world.
After receiving such powerful impressions around bhakti from her mother and elder sister, Uma dīdī developed a very strong inclination toward service. Once, she wrote to her guru-pādapadma, Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja, expressing great sadness that she was a female disciple and thus limited from rendering more services. In response to this, her gurudeva wrote the following in a letter dated 7 April 1972:
“…if the soul of the living entity is proven by scripture to be a form of śakti, feminine potency, then what objection can one have to being a daughter? ‘Gītā-śāstre jīva-rūpa śakti kari’ māne’ – in the Bhagavad-gītā, the form of the soul is deemed to be that of śakti. This you have read in Śrī Caitanya-Caritāmṛta [Madhya-līlā, 6.163]. ‘The possessor of infinite potencies, līlā-puruṣottama Śrī Kṛṣṇa, is the sole enjoyer, and as His potencies, all souls, are His maidservants, to be enjoyed by Him.’ Śrī gurudeva is also āśraya-jātīya-vigraha, Śrī Bhagavān’s beloved maidservant. Hence, though as guru-tattva he has fatherhood imposed on him, because he is śakti, he has more love and affection for his daughters.”
Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja
In another letter, dated 11 November 1970, Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja explained the deep meaning of the name Umā:
“A, U, M – these three letters have given rise to the sacred syllable Oṁ. The letter ‘A’ represents the one true hero of all the worlds, Śrī Kṛṣṇa, as He Himself stated in the Gītā “akṣarāṇāṁ a-karo ’smi”. The letter ‘U’ represents Śrī Rādhā, whom Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta refers to as “‘nāyikā-śiromaṇī’ Rādhā Ṭhākurāṇī, the crowning jewel of all heroines”. The letter ‘M’ refers to the living entities who in this material world are differentiated as male and female and identified as sādhakas and sādhikās. Hence, the living entities can attain the omnipotent Bhagavān Śrī Kṛṣṇa through sādhana by worshiping the syllable Oṁ and Śrī Nāma-brahma. Joining the letter ‘U’, representing Śrī Rādhikā, with the word ‘mā’ produces the name ‘Umā.’ Even though this then entails Śrī Rādhārāṇī being envisioned as Mother of the Universe, it does no harm to Her personal identity or mood as divine paramour. By worshiping Śrī Rādhikā, who is Kṛṣṇa-mayī (Kṛṣṇa-imbued), Parā-devī (the Supreme Goddess), Sarva-lakṣmī-mayī (the reservoir of all goddesses of fortune), Kṛṣṇa-mana-mohinī (the enchantress of Kṛṣṇa’s mind), along with Śrī Kṛṣṇa, who is Her prāṇa-nāṭha, the Lord of Her life, you will attain bhakti to Them. This is the meaning of your name ‘Umā’.”
Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja would seldom give orders to his disciples, because he was very cautious to not implicate them in guru-avajñā (disobeying guru). In the letters he wrote to Umā Dīdī, however, along with profuse blessings, affectionate reassurance, and advice on bhajana, he gave her many clear and direct instructions, like the order to chant a lakh of harināma every day. Umā Dīdī took these instructions to heart and followed them to the very best of her ability, until her last breath.
On the order of her guru-pādapadma, Umā Dīdī also wrote over a dozen devotional essays in Bengali, which were published in Śrī Gauḍīya Patrikā. Under his guidance, she thus started studying all the scriptures in great depth. Her room in Mathurā was full of books and she ended up having a collection of many rare editions that are no longer in print. As per her gurudeva’s instructions, she made a lifelong habit of studying scripture daily, and as a result, she matured in her grasp of Gauḍīya siddhānta.
Every year without fail, from after Kārtika until Gaura Pūrṇimā, Umā Dīdī would go to wherever her gurudeva was in Bengal, to have his association and hear hari-kathā from him. In his final years, Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Maharāja was mostly silent, not speaking with anyone, nor would he respond to questions. But once, when Umā Dīdī came to see him, he broke his silence. His sevaka announced her arrival and with clear joy, he uttered just one word: “Umā!” Such was her profound, loving connection with her guru-pādapadma.
Umā Dīdī taking darśana of Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja
Attraction to Śrīla Gurudeva’s Vraja-kathā
While Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja prepared the foundation of Umā Dīdī’s spiritual life, it was from Śrīla Gurudeva, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja, that Umā Dīdī began to hear about vraja-rasa and become attracted to Vraja. While still living in Chunchura, she used to write letters to Śrīla Gurudeva, who would visit Chunchura from time to time. Śrīla Gurudeva wrote approximately seventy letters to Umā Dīdī from Mathurā, most of them short and practical communications. But woven into their correspondence are many spiritual instructions, profuse encouragement and inspiration, and many affectionate exchanges. What is clear is that Śrīla Gurudeva felt special gratitude to Umā Dīdī’s mother, elder sister, and relatives for all the heartfelt service they rendered to Paramagurudeva and the various maṭhas of the Śrī Gauḍīya Vedānta Samiti over the years. Some of these letters have been published in previous editions of Śrī Bhāgavata Patrikā and some have been translated into English and published online.
After the departure of her mother in 1986, Umā Dīdī was unsure of what to do and where to go. She stayed in Śrī Devānanda Gauḍīya Maṭha, Navadvīpa, for some time, but she could not see herself living there. As she heard more and more about Vraja from Śrīla Gurudeva, she developed a powerful desire to be under his guidance. She approached Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja and expressed to him her desire to live in the Mathurā maṭha. Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja broached the subject with Śrīla Gurudeva on her behalf and Śrīla Gurudeva gave her permission. Śrīla Trivikrama Mahārāja, who clearly saw Umā Dīdī as a daughter, personally accompanied her from Chunchura by train to help her relocate to Mathurā.
Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja
Living in Mathurā: A Life of Tolerance and Renunciation
Umā Dīdī left Bengal and came to the Mathurā maṭha towards the end of 1986. At that time, the maṭha was rather impoverished, presenting a very austere lifestyle. It was not easy for anyone, man or woman, to live there. As the saying goes, “Je sahe, se rahe” – only those who endure, stay. For a woman raised in a rich family, the change would have been drastic, living in a spartan maṭha among thirty-five to forty brahmacārīs. The brahmacārīs were sometimes harsh, but Dīdī had tremendous reserves of patience and tolerance.
Even Śrīla Gurudeva was doubtful in the beginning, wondering how long she could live the maṭha life, so instead of giving her a permanent room, he gave her a room in the guest house. But Umā Dīdī had no intention of leaving the maṭha. After some time, seeing her resolve, Śrīla Gurudeva assigned her a permanent room.
As she was the only woman in the maṭha, living in a tiny room with no attached bathroom, she made a habit of waking up at 2:00 a.m. before the brahmacārīs, to use the bathroom facilities. Even in the freezing winters, she bathed in cold water, got ready for maṅgala-ārati every morning without fail, and then did her assigned service, which was washing the deities’ brass plates, bowls, and pūjā paraphernalia. She had to crouch on the cold marble floor of the kitchen, scrubbing the brass furiously till it was shiny and spotless. She carried on doing this service daily, well into her late seventies, and was heard incessantly reciting stotras and aṣṭakams as she did her sevā.
In the summers, she endured Mathurā’s famously intense heat in her small oven-like room on the upper floor. She spent many summers like that. Her room did have a fan, if there was electricity, but she never got a cooler for herself, though she easily could have. She wanted to live under guidance rather than be independent and have more facilities than everyone else. Finally, in the late 90s, after maybe fifteen years, a foreign devotee gave her a small cooler, which she agreed to use.
Dīdī lived like this for thirty years, from 1986 till 2016, without any complaint and without bothering anyone for comforts. She had taken to the renounced life with utmost sincerity and determination. When she left Chunchura, she took with her the gold ornaments she had received for her marriage, as well as the gold ornaments passed down to her by her late mother, and distributed them. She gave some to her dīkṣā-guru-pādapadma, Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja, for the service of Śrī Devānanda Gauḍīya Maṭha, some to Śrīla Trivikrama Gosvāmī Mahārāja for the service of Śrī Uddhāraṇa Gauḍīya Maṭha, and the rest to Śrīla Gurudeva, Śrīla Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja, for the service of Śrī Keśavajī Gauḍīya Maṭha. She offered up these precious ornaments lovingly and selflessly, keeping nothing for herself. As she was the youngest of a wealthy family, money kept coming to her, and she made frequent financial contributions to Śrī Keśavajī Gauḍīya Maṭha. Later she also contributed to the construction of Śrī Rūpa Sanātana Gauḍīya Maṭha in Vṛndāvana. Dīdī’s father had put one of the family homes in her name, and so whatever money came from the rental of that property, she utilized it in the service of Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas, while she herself lived a simple, austere life. She wore no ornaments and was attached only to the maṭha and to items that could be utilized in the service of the Vaiṣṇavas.
Umā Dīdī’s life in the maṭha, devoid of indulgence, was thus on par with that of pukka sannyāsīs. Impeccable in her etiquette and conduct, she treated all the sannyāsīs and brahmacārīs like her brothers and sons. In those days, people rarely brought sweets to offer to Ṭhākurajī. It was mostly Umā Dīdī who made them. On Ekādaśīs she would personally cook Ṭhākurajī’s special meal of rice, dahl, subjis, etc. She would cook at least one dish daily for Ṭhākurajī and frequently make other special dishes, like ‘pīṭha-pānā’ (coconut burfi in a rice pastry soaked in condensed milk) that she would personally distribute to the brahmacārīs. If one of the brahmacārīs was out on some errand, she would save them a portion for when they returned. Later on, when Umā Dīdī went preaching in the West, she would bring back toffee, pens, notebooks, good quality organic soaps etc., and make little “care packages” for each brahmacārī. With care and attention, she would give out the packages to one brahmacārī at a time. Beyond this, like a doting mother, she frequently gave them items she knew they needed for their service.
Śrīla Gurudeva with Umā Dīdī, Śrīpāda Mādhava Mahārāja, Śrīpāda Vana Mahārāja, Parameśvarī Prabhu and others
Attachment to Gurudeva’s Hari-kathā
Umā Dīdī could stay in the maṭha, a rare feat for a well-to-do women as stated, because her sole objective was to hear Śrīla Gurudeva’s kathā, particularly his vraja-kathā. For this, she endured all manner of difficulties. While many brahmacārīs came and went, Dīdī tolerantly stayed.
Wherever Śrīla Gurudeva’s hari-kathā was going on, Umā Dīdī would be there, sitting at the very front on the ladies’ side, and she was always there ahead of time. If there was some chance she could be late, she would save her place by putting her notebook where she planned to sit.
During Śrīla Gurudeva’s classes, she would make notes and also record them on her tape recorder. As Śrīla Gurudeva would speak only some portions of his lecture in English, after class the foreign devotees would cram into her tiny room to hear the English translation. And if any devotee had a question about the kathā, she could repeat Gurudeva’s words to them verbatim. Because she took that hari-kathā to heart, when she repeated it to anyone, it had an impact.
In Śrī Modadruma-dvīpa with Śrīla Gurudeva
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In front of Śrīla Prabhupāda Sarasvatī Ṭhakura's puṣpa-samādhi at Śrī Rādhā Dāmodara Mandira, Vṛndāvana
Conviction in Following the Limbs of Bhakti
Dīdī did not listen to hari-kathā to acquire knowledge; she listened to put it into practice. She did not have so many verses memorized, but she had a profound grasp of their substance. She heard tattva-siddhānta and applied it.
From around 2:00 a.m. in the morning till about 10:00 p.m. at night, Umā Dīdī’s whole day was centered around the limbs of bhakti. She would wake up, complete her bath, recite jaya-dhvani and various stavas and stutis from Giti-guccha, and complete almost thirty-two rounds before maṅgala-ārati. She had countless bhajanas memorized and would sing them attentively, her eyes closed. She would complete one lakh harināma every day before taking rest and she was sure to study the scriptures every day, as her gurudeva had instructed her. With great enthusiasm, conviction and steadiness –“utsahān-niścayāt dhairyāt, tat-tat-karma-pravartanāt” – she practiced bhakti.
She would be the first person to enter the temple room in the morning, as if she had been waiting the whole night for maṅgala-ārati. If, as at the end of her life, she was somehow confined to her room or bed, she would sing the ārati-kīrtanas at ārati time. Early on the morning of 26 December of 2021, on Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s appearance day and Śrīla Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s disappearance day, she suffered a severe heart attack about an hour and a half before maṅgala-ārati. By the time devotees organised a car and got her to the Ramakrishna Mission hospital on the outskirts of Vṛndāvana, it was maṅgala-ārati time. As the nurses wheeled her into intensive care and started attaching wires and monitors and administering intravenous medicines, she was gripping the hands of the devotees who were with her, urging them to join her in singing the maṅgala-ārati prayers, beginning with Śrī Gurvaṣṭakam. As the devotees tried their best to sing amid all the commotion, Umā Dīdī was so focused that the moment someone would falter due to distraction, she would sing a bit louder, guiding their attention back, although still feeling pain in her chest and possibly experiencing further cardiac arrest. Raṅga Dīdī pulled up the live maṅgala-ārati darśana in Śrī Gopīnātha Bhavana. The devotees at the Bhavana were singing the exact same verse Umā Dīdī was singing from her hospital bed, showing how closely she had attuned herself to the sacred ceremony.
Every year Dīdī would perform Kārtika Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā and Śrī Navadvīpa-dhāma parikramā, visiting the places of Bhagavān’s pastimes, always under the guidance of Guru and Vaiṣṇavas, never alone. At the līlā-sthalīs, she was sure to listen fervently to the glories of the dhāma and the līlās that transpired there, even if a new devotee was speaking. In fact she would not move on to the next place until she had heard the kathā of the current place. She could thus repeat the pastimes in elaborate detail. Furthermore, she would offer ghee lamps, flowers, and perform ācamana of the kuṇḍas and give donations to all the temples, without fail.
In Kārtika 2022, despite physical weakness and difficulty breathing and walking, she visited the seven main temples of Vṛndāvana as per her lifelong practice, and she participated in the daily kathā, kīrtana, parikramā, and everything else as much as possible. But before Śrī Navadvīpa-dhāma parikramā 2022, she fell so ill that the doctors forbade her from going anywhere. Missing Śrī Navadvīpa-dhāma parikramā for the first time ever deeply pained her heart. She expressed again and again that her missing parikramā was due to some grave offence.
On parikramā at Kāliya-daha
Umā Dīdī knew the power of service to Bhagavān and His devotees. She scrubbed Ṭhākurajī’s brass arcana utensils in the mornings, prepared the large fruit offering in the afternoons. She put her heart into services that some may deem insignificant. Some may also think that services such as sweeping the temple or washing pots is for the uneducated, but Umā Dīdī, who was highly educated with deep grasp of śāstra, regarded it an honor to serve Bhagavān in any way.
She loved cooking and used to prepare scores of dishes on festival occasions. Wherever she was, she cooked at least one dish for Ṭhākurajī and the Vaiṣṇavas every day, often making Them first class samosas and ‘maṭharī’ (a savoury fried biscuit). She would be in the kitchen night after night in the period leading up to Annakūṭa-mahotsava, which was the only time the kitchen was empty, preparing various dishes for Girirāja; thus inspiring others to do the same. Her memory and eyesight were very sharp well into her old age, so she was able
Serving Through Cooking
simultaneously to see to her own preparations and to the preparations of others. After Kārtika, she would preach in India or abroad, always taking the dry Annakūṭa prasāda to gift to devotees. This niyama-sevā of cooking for Annakūṭa was something she did over the course of her whole life, right up until Kartika of 2022.
Cooking for Annakuṭa at Śrī Giridhārī Gauḍīya Maṭha, Govardhana
She would prepare special dishes, the known favourites of our guru-varga, on their appearance and disappearance days. Whenever Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja and Śrīla Gurudeva, Śrīla Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja, visited Chunchura, she would cook for them at some point during their stay. And when Śrīla Gurudeva travelled from Navadvīpa to Mathurā, Dīdī and her sister Gārgī would cook large quantities of prasāda for him and however many devotees were with him. They would personally deliver it to them when the train stopped momentarily at Bandel station, a few stops away from Chunchura.
Sometimes Dīdī recounted how Śrīla Gurudeva once chastised her heavily for adding too much chili to one of her dishes. “Kṛṣṇa only eats soft, sweet things like butter and yoghurt,” he said. “His soft hands and mouth must have gotten burned!” After this incident, Dīdī was very careful with the amount of chili she put in her cooking, and she never over salted anything.
Serving by Wealth
Umā Dīdī committed whatever wealth that came to her to the service of Bhagavān and the devotees. Here are some examples. From the very beginning of her life in the maṭha, she would contribute money yearly to Śrī Navadvīpa-dhāma parikramā and Śrī Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā. At the time of Śrī Navadvīpa-dhāma parikramā, she would give donations for the service of the deities in Śrī Devānanda Gauḍīya Maṭha and for the service of the samādhis of her dīkṣā-guru-pādapadma and Paramagurudeva. Then, in later years, she would give donations for the deities in Śrī Śrī Keśavajī Gauḍīya Maṭha (Navadvīpa), for Śrīla Gurudeva’s samādhi temple there, and for Śrīla Trivikrama Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s samādhi. During the parikramā, she would sponsor prasāda one time for all the thousands of devotees assembled. She would also sponsor almost a thousand litres of milk to make sweet rice for the devotees’ prasāda at Nṛsiṁha-pallī. On the first day of Śrī Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā, on the day of Paramagurudeva’s disappearance, she would sponsor the midday feast for everyone, and on the last day of Kārtika, she would sponsor kachoris and amriti (a kind of jalebi) fried in ghee, at her specific insistence. She did the same for Annakūṭa-mahotsava, for the disappearance days of her dīkṣā-guru-pādapadma and Śrīla Trivikrama Gosvāmī Mahārāja, for Jhūlana-mahotsava in Śrī Rūpa Sanātana Gauḍīya Maṭha and for Śrī Janmāṣṭamī in Śrī Keśavajī Gauḍīya Maṭha. These were some of her annual services. Yet, she never promoted herself in any way or advertised the sevā she performed.
Umā Dīdī also actively endeavored to fulfil Śrīla Gurudeva’s mano’bhīṣṭa, by offering support to book publication services. After Śrīla Gurudeva’s disappearance, she would contribute as much as she could from donations she received during her travels so that the book publication service could go on nicely. She sponsored many of Śrīla Gurudeva’s books that were translated into English and all five parts of the Hindi Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta. From time to time, she would also contribute to the publication of Hindi monthly magazine, Śrī Śrī Bhāgavata Patrikā, and made considerable financial contributions to the preservation of Śrīla Gurudeva’s audio hari-kathā and the upcoming documentary about Śrīla Gurudeva.
Whatever donations she received while preaching she would divide into little bundles dedicated to these various services, never keeping anything for herself. Sometimes Śrīpāda Tīrtha Mahārāja would say to her, “Dīdī, you should keep some money for yourself; you will need it later.”
But Dīdī would tell him, “If I accumulate money, then how will I develop the six types of surrender to Bhagavān?” She remained fully under the shelter of her guru-varga and Bhagavān. The last few years of her life, she was unable to preach due to her deteriorating health, but Gurudeva and Kṛṣṇa saw that she was taken care of. Even in such ill health, she sustained her determination to serve Śrī Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas, her focus being to perform bhajana of Bhagavān.
Once, while travelling abroad, her glasses broke. Dīdī went to the store and got the cheapest glasses there. The devotees wanted to get her a second pair, but she took only one, explaining that if she had a second, she would be likely to neglect and lose the first pair. She was never frivolous with money, seeing it as an ingredient for Kṛṣṇa’s service.
Devoid of the Desire for Prestige
Umā Dīdī was always brutally honest with herself and deeply introspective. She saw herself as an insignificant recipient of her guru-vargas’ mercy, so she always stayed genuinely humble. She never cultivated the arrogance of thinking herself better than or superior to others, despite her good fortune of residing in the maṭha and associating constantly with Śrīla Gurudeva. She never became affected by the waves of prestige that come to worldwide preachers. She would say, “Today someone is honouring me, so I am pleased. Tomorrow that same person may disrespect or criticize me. On the surface, I will appear to be unaffected, but inside, I will be burning.”
In her advanced age, Dīdī would get down on her knees and bow to sannyāsīs who were many decades her junior. She extended due honour to everyone. She would say, “I have no qualification. It is only by the grace of Guru and Vaiṣṇavas that people hear what I have to say.”
She directed people’s attention not to herself but to following the orders of the guru-varga, encouraging them to chant harināma, go on parikramā, and participate in fulfilling Śrīla Gurudeva’s mano’bhīṣṭa.
In 1986, Dīdī’s three gurus awarded her the title “Bhakti Mādhurī” in recognition of her qualities and inclination to serve, but few people knew about about this. It was revealed after she left this world.
It is quite natural for traversers of the spiritual path to make some mistakes, but few have the courage to acknowledge their mistake before others and ask for forgiveness. This sort of courage can only be seen in someone who has the virtues of deep sincerity, simplicity and real honesty. One devotee recounted how in the middle of speaking hari-kathā to a large assembly in the West, Umā Dīdī realized she had made a mistake in her perceptions of a certain Vaiṣṇava. She began to weep and said that she could feel Gurudeva telling her in her heart that she was wrong. Overcome by this realization, she did not hesitate to apologize to devotees who were very much junior to her and beg them for forgiveness. Though she could have done so in private, her childlike simplicity was such that she confessed her mistake as soon as she realized it, in front of a large, formal assembly.
Unwavering Guru-niṣṭhā
As a result of associating with and serving her three gurus for some sixty years, she had absolute conviction in them, as was evident in her words and actions. She had not the slightest interest in any philosophy extraneous to that of the Sārasvata lineage, being especially fully devoted to the dhārā (current) of her paramagurudeva, Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja. She never stepped one foot outside of it, never added in anything of her own, and wanted to see all devotees tasting the happiness of being in this line.
Dīdī was fully given to Śrīla Gurudeva’s vāṇī and thus a pillar of his mission, but she was always in the background. Clearly, she saw it as her primary duty to protect the current of his conceptions, his vicāra-dhārā and would immediately call out and refute anyone who opposed or distorted it. She found concocted conceptions of apasampradāyas intolerable, stating she would have refuted their misconceptions in an even more public and aggressive fashion had she not been in a female body.
In 2019, Śyāmārāṇī Dīdī published a compilation of quotes from paramagurudeva, Śrīla Gurudeva and the previous ācāryas reconciling various conceptions of jīva-tattva, which has long been a contentious issue in many circles. Umā Dīdī was so impressed with the book that she began enthusiastically reiterating various points from it in her classes in the West. In addition to this, she began fervently requesting Śyāmārāṇī Dīdī to speak openly on the subject of jīva-tattva. Umā Dīdī never shied away from debate and by nature was never hesitant to speak the plain truth. She drew her strength from her conviction in Guru and Vaiṣṇavas and from her faith in harināma.
Once, at a house program in the West, Umā Dīdī spoke on the topic of jīva-tattva. The gṛhastha devotees there became disturbed, and when she was leaving after the program, they did not even come outside to pay praṇāma and see her off. They had told Dīdī prior to the program not to speak on that topic, but she told them, “I am not here to please anyone. I have come to preach the message of my gurudeva.”
Another time, very few devotees attended one of her programs and the organizers expressed some unhappiness about this. Dīdī told them not to worry; hari-kathā is spoken for Bhagavān’s pleasure. Even demigods and goddesses come to hear that kathā, so it does not matter whether people come or not.
Natural Humility
As mentioned, Umā Dīdī had the fortune of obtaining the darśana of and serving paramagurudeva and other exalted personalities, but she never flaunted her good fortune to impress others. If anyone ever said to her, “You are so fortunate to have had darśana of paramagurudeva. You are a special recipient of the guru-varga’s mercy,” she would say, “But sadly, even though I am so lucky, I could not take advantage of that mercy.”
By spiritual standards she was no less than most sannyāsīs, but she only wanted to be the servant of a servant. Many wanted to become her disciple, but she was firm in wanting to remain a genuine disciple herself. This humility earned the respect of sannyāsīs, brahmacārīs, and gṛhasthas alike and inspired them in their spiritual progress. Dīdī was so qualified, but often people could not even tell, because she never advertised herself.
She never formally delivered kathā in the maṭha, but shared informally from time to time. She had such honor for the words of her guru-varga that she would listen to any sincere speaker in a mood of total humility and submission. And from time to time, she would teach them proper understanding of tattva. Regardless of who was giving class, even if it was a brahmacārī who had only been in the maṭha for two days, she would be sure to sit and listen to him, correcting him if necessary. If that new devotee faithfully reiterated the vāṇī of her dīkṣā and śikṣā-gurus, she would earnestly tell them after their class, “I learned something today in your kathā. Thank you.” In this way, she would encourage the brahmacārīs, new and old, in their sādhana-bhajana. And it was the same in the West wherever the devotees assembled. When Dīdī attended the New Vraja hari-kathā festival, she was keen to sit and listen to each and every speaker’s lecture very attentively. This meant she was listening patiently for hours on end.
Dīdī would also often say that if even your little finger gets burnt, it gives a person great pain. In the same way, guru and Vaiṣṇavas cannot tolerate any insult to even the most junior of Vaiṣṇavas. Therefore, she would insist that we give respect to everyone.
“Gurur sevaka haya mānya āpanāra” – the servant of guru deserves your honour. This conception is to be applied to all manner of servants—those who are junior and those more exalted or rendering more intimate service. Therefore, when Dīdī saw any devotee junior to her striving to fulfill the mano ’bhīṣṭa of the guru-varga, she would show that devotee special affection. This inclination of hers brings to mind that of Lalitā Devī: “yāṁ kām api vraja-kule vṛṣabhānu-jāyā, prekṣya svapakṣa-padavīm-anarudhyamānām | sadyas tad-iṣṭa-ghaṭanena kṛtārthayantīṁ – If Lalitā Devī sees any young gopī of Vraja has an inclination to serve her beloved sakhī Śrīmatī Rādhikā, she instantly fulfills all her ambitions. In a similar way, if Umā Dīdī saw anyone had some interest performing in any small service to Śrīla Gurudeva, she would strive to assist that person in every way possible.
Her nature was very soft. She was never offended by any disrespect newcomers to the maṭha showed her. She would never inform people, “I am a senior devotee” but would address even new brahmacārīs with the honorific “Prabhu.” She was not in the habit of using the informal Hindi and Bengali pronouns tu or tui, which can convey disrespect. Though she spoke boldly and openly, she did not harbour malice toward anyone.
When she went travelling in the West, she was constantly meditating on the words “āmi to vaiṣṇava ei buddhi haile amānī nā haba āmi – If I start to think I am a Vaiṣṇava, then I will not be able to be free from the desire for prestige."
Preaching in the West
In May of 1996 Śrīla Gurudeva, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Mahārāja started traveling and preaching in Western and Eastern countries, leaving the devotees in Mathurā in deep separation during his absence. When he would return from his summer and winter tours, Dīdī would eagerly await his arrival and carefully collect all the recordings that had been made during his tours. However, as the years went by, her separation to him became unbearable. Her Guru Mahārāja had told her to stay in the Dhāma and do her bhajana, and Śrīla Nārāyaṇa Mahārāja told her the same. However, in 2006, a message came from her nephew in Houston inviting her to come for his daughter’s graduation. She thought this would be a golden opportunity to be with Śrīla Gurudeva in the West and hear from him. She asked him, “Mahārāja, can I visit my nephew and his family; he wrote that he will arrange everything for me.”
Śrīla Gurudeva said, “One time you can go, but then you should quickly return.”
Thus, in the spring of 2007, with the diligent assistance of Śaunaka Ṛṣi Prabhu, she had a passport made, had her visa approved, and traveled alone for the first time to USA, where she joined Śrīla Gurudeva’s tour and began preaching at small programs at devotees’ houses. Śrīman Brajanātha Prabhu and Śrīmatī Vṛndā Dīdī were pivotal in arranging for Umā Dīdī's travels to the West, and Vṛndā Dīdī travelled extensively with Umā Dīdī for many years.
Everywhere she went, devotees and guests became so captivated by her sincerity, her guru-niṣṭhā, her quick wit, simplicity and loving attitude toward all she met. Thus she soon conquered the hearts of many. At the end of the tour, she would have a large envelop stashed with small and big bills donated to her by her hosts and guests during her travels. During the last program that year, in Italy, she handed this envelop over to Śrīla Gurudeva, who became very surprised seeing all these bills. He said, “You have collected so much! Even my own sannyāsīs don’t give that much to me!”
Umā Dīdī then asked him, “Mahārāja, some devotees requested me to come and visit them again, so will you allow me to continue to travel and sometimes join you?”
He laughingly said, “Yes, certainly, I received some very good reports of your traveling.”
Umā Dīdī’s heart jumped with joy; now she could hear Śrīla Gurudeva’s hari-kathā the whole year and witness his glorious preaching all over the world! This was the beginning of Umā Dīdī’s tireless traveling from 2007, at the age of seventy-four, till the lockdown in 2021, when she was eighty-eight. Overall, on her worldwide circuit, she would regularly visit devotees in twenty-one different countries.
In her advanced age, Dīdī tolerated the strain of the long flights to Western countries, sitting in the plane’s cramped seats and sometimes sleeping on airport benches between flights. The extraordinary demands of travelling did not affect her regulated sādhana-bhajana and her observance of Vaiṣṇava sadācāra. She would even bathe in tiny airplane bathrooms in order to perform her āhnika and chant japa properly. She did not let age or circumstances compromise her practices, and she went to all this effort expressly for the spiritual benefit of others. Whenever she arrived after a long and arduous flight, she always arrived happy and content. She never complained of any inconvenience or exhaustion. She had no conception of “jet lag”, but would instantly and naturally adapt to whatever timezone she found herself in. And no matter how long the journey or what time she arrived, she would be sure to bathe and be ready for maṅgala-ārati, whether or not the devotees hosting her even got up for maṅgala-ārati. If they did not, she would not force anything on them, but would set an example that would inspire them to follow suit the next day or during future visits.
A special feature of her preaching in the West was helping to encourage devotees to do maṅgala-ārati, to do their sādhana properly, and follow proper Vaiṣṇava etiquette. As a Vaiṣṇavī elder, she was in a unique position to explain to female devotees the importance of dressing modestly in spiritual gatherings and other devotional settings. In this way, she was an exemplary disciple of her Śrīla Gurudeva, fully engaged in practising and teaching. This is why her repetition of her guru-vargas’ words had an impact on people’s hearts.
What our ācāryas embody and have come to give is so beyond many of us that we sometimes validate our inability to properly aspire to imbibe their conduct and precepts. Dīdī, though, was like a family member, one that made the practice of bhakti look simple. She touched everyone’s heart with her affection, compassion, purity and conduct. Anyone could approach her without hesitation with questions related to bhakti philosophy or with material dilemmas. Dīdī would always repeat only what she had heard from Guru and Vaiṣṇavas and would encourage the inquirer to focus on performing proper sādhana. By her simple and relevant responses, she could easily transform a person. She regularly stressed that though we
may collect many things in this world that we deem valuable, the most valuable thing is Bhagavān’s name. Dīdī herself would often be awake at night immersed in harināma and would encourage others to chant their harināma before doing anything else in the day.
Her simplicity made others comfortable. Although she was referred to as “Umā Dīdī,” (Dīdī meaning “elder sister”), the word “Mā” was embedded in her name and conveyed her motherly nature. She was always giving to everyone, never expecting anything from them. She used to insist that Raṅga Dīdī not ask their hosts for more than what their hosts had provided. She did not inconvenience others for the sake of her comforts. In the West, with no servants in the homes, she made sure to never burden her hosts and would usually take on full responsibility for cooking for the deities, guests, and family members. Raṅga Dīdī would assist her in cooking and would also wash the dishes. In this way, Umā Dīdī would greatly reduce any possible burden on the hosts. She looked after them; she did not expect them to look after her. Then the devotees she was staying with were worry-free and could take full advantage of the opportunity to listen to hari-kathā.
When someone performed a little service to her, like fetching medicine, spices or foodstuffs, she would ask, “What can I give you now? You have served me so much.” Then she would give them prasāda and her blessings.”
In 1996, Śrīla Gurudeva had started the annual week-long hari-kathā festival in New Vraja (Badger), in America and host an enormous Annakūṭa-mahotsava and Girirāja pūjā. The year after Gurudeva’s disappearance in 2010, devotees’ spirits were down and there may even have been discussion of selling the festival site due to financial pressures. When Umā Dīdī arrived, she encouraged the devotees to celebrate the festival with enthusiasm. She busied herself in making scores of preparations, just like she did in Vraja, and she continued doing that every year she visited. She emphasised that Badger had a special significance as a key guru-sthāna, a sacred place of Śrīla Gurudeva, for he had visited every year without fail since his preaching had begun in 1996 and given such wonderful hari-kathā there. In this way, Umā Dīdī encouraged the devotees’ resolve to hold on to the property and celebrate the Badger festival every year.
Final Days and Departure
In 2021, Umā Dīdī fell very ill. When her treatments began costing a lot, some devotees, in a sincere attempt to serve her, began sending out requests on the internet to collect money for her treatment. When Dīdī found out, she immediately forbade the devotees from doing so. “Give back each person’s donation” she said. “If money comes naturally, that is one thing, but I don’t want devotees to be asked for money on my behalf. I am under the shelter of my guru-varga. They will take care of me.”
Even in her very final days, when her physical condition was very precarious, Umā Dīdī refused to step back from glorifying her guru-varga. On the 21 January 2023, on Maunī Amāvasyā, Umā Dīdī spoke in glorification of Śrīla Gurudeva, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja, at Śrī Gopīnātha Bhavana on his vyāsa-pūjā. And just one week before her departure, on 8 February 2023, on the vyāsa-pūjā of paramagurudeva Śrīla Bhakti Prajñāna Keśava Gosvāmī Mahārāja, she came by wheelchair to Śrī Rūpa Sanātana Gauḍīya Maṭha to glorify paramagurudeva. In her final moments, her focus was on chanting harināma. This was no doubt by her gurudevas’ mercy but it also broadcast the glories of a life of strict sādhana, proper śaraṇāgati, and conviction in her guru-varga.
As a result of her sincere service and surrender to the guru-varga over the course of her whole life, by the grace of śrī guru, Umā Dīdī lived in Śrī Vṛndāvana Dhāma in her final years and gave up her body on the bank of Śrī Yamunājī, next to Imlītalā, close to Sevā Kuñja. It was on the banks of Śrī Yamunājī that her final rites were performed, which is referred to as “vraja-raja-prāpti – attaining the dust of Vraja” and is the ultimate attainment.
Śrīla Narottama Dāsa Ṭhākura says:
ei deha antima kāle, rākhibo yamunār jale,
jaya rādha-govinda bole bhāsibo go |
“When this body is in its final moments, I will submerge it in the waters of the Yamunā. Chanting ‘Glory to Rādhā and Govinda!’ I will float away.”
Virahotsava – Memorial Festivals
Memorial festivals for Umā Dīdī were held in Śrī Gopīnātha Bhavana (Vṛndāvana), Śrī Rūpa Sanātana Gauḍīya Maṭha (Vṛndāvana), Śrī Śrī Keśavajī Gauḍīya Maṭha (Navadvīpa), and in various places in the West: in Houston, Miami, New York, Seattle, and elsewhere via Zoom. People all over the world who had been touched by Umā Dīdī’s sublime qualities glorified her conviction in śrī guru and Vaiṣṇavas, her life of service, and her many wonderful qualities and shared their personal experiences with her.
When Vaiṣṇavas dedicated to the performance of śrī nāma-bhajana proceed to a spiritual destination befitting their sādhana, then the state of the devotees left behind is referred to as viccheda, or viraha-daśā. The grief expressed, especially by guru and Vaiṣṇavas for their guru-varga, in the absence of such Vaiṣṇavas is not ordinary grief. In the company of Vaiṣṇavas, we gain great enthusiasm to engage in the practice of bhakti, so it is natural to express grief in their absence. For those of us who are opposed to the service of Bhagavān, hankering for profit, adoration, and prestige and filled with myriad material desires, the expressions of grief articulated by the Vaiṣṇavas are especially helpful in ridding our hearts of impurities. From these narrations, we learn the specifics of how the Vaiṣṇavas performed their sādhana-bhajana. By discussing their glories, we advance in our own sādhana-bhajana. When we manage to follow their example, the beauty of how they rendered service, how wholly they gave their lives to service, the tendency for service arises in the heart and we make great progress in the service of Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas and develop more enthusiasm.
We have shown that Umā Dīdī led a very simple life, always devoted to nāma, studying and teaching the scriptures of pure devotion, hearing and remembering the hari-kathā of pure devotees, cultivating renunciation from the sense objects, developing attachment to Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas, love for the Dhāma and residents of the Dhāma, attachment to objects related to Bhagavān, expressing sublime mercy for the living entities suffering due to Kali, and preaching in tandem with proper personal practice.
Through her hari-katha, conviction in following the rules of bhakti-sādhana, maintenance of proper etiquette and conduct, her affection, prasāda, etc., Umā Dīdī would inspire people who came into her proximity to advance along the path of pure devotion. For Gurudeva’s disciples, she was always like a mother brimming with affection. For the sincere sādhakas, her life was like a pillar of light.
In Kenopaniṣad, it is described: “Umā (the divine mother) is the embodiment of praṇava (oṁkāra). She is the radiance of light and fragrance of flowers. Within Her are the effulgence of thousands of suns and the pleasing coolness of thousands of moons.”
We pray at Umā Dīdī’s feet for her to shower such mercy on us that some day we develop but a particle of her devotional qualities—her conviction in the holy name, in hari-kathā, in the holy Dhāma, and in serving Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas—and thus follow her life of humble devotion.
Bhakti Mādhurī Śrīyuktā Umā Dīdī kī jaya!
Contributors: Amala-kṛṣṇa dāsa, Madhukara dāsa, Vaijayantī-mālā dāsī, Raṅga-devī dāsī, Vṛndā-devī dāsī, Indirā dāsī, and Śrīvāsa dāsa